Tag Archive for: Mass Appeal

Habits of Exceptional People – Mass Appeal

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CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal)  What makes exceptional parents and leaders so successful?  Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Author, Family Therapist, Health and Wellness Executive shared tips with us.

Habits of exceptional leaders, in and beyond the workplace

The best leaders demonstrate that leadership is all about we, not me. They:

  • See power as power with, the responsibility to bring about shared success, instead of power over, the right to dominate and control other people.
  • Believe in the competence of others and treat others with kindness.
  • Give credit where it is due. They regularly let their own supervisor know about the good work contributed by others on their team.
  • Make a point of “catching” others doing good work and praising them for it on the spot.
  • Say please and thank you.
  • Invite others to contribute to decision-making whenever possible.
  • Show genuine human caring for their team members and get to know something about their lives and interests.
  • Encourage and help others learn, grow, and advance.
  • Ensure that everyone in the group feels welcomed, respected, valued, and consistently treated civilly by others.
  • Regularly communicate the organization’s mission and describe how their group’s work and the work of each of its members contribute.
  • Provide constructive feedback and receive it graciously as well.
  • Take responsibility for their mistakes, apologize to others whenever it makes sense to do so, and then follow through on their promises to change.

A key element of leadership is recognizing that you are always a role model:

  • What you do is more important than what you say.
  • Your behavior sets the culture for your group.

One of the most challenging aspects of leadership can be holding others accountable to their commitments. Leaders need to:

  • Communicate what they expect clearly and make every effort to ensure the expectations are understood.
  • Provide constructive feedback and guidance when needed, including referrals to sources of assistance.
  • Identify and then follow through on consequences for continued poor performance.
  • Many leaders were promoted into their roles because they are highly skilled technicians. (They may or may not have wanted to lead people, but this was the next available promotion.) If this applies to you, please note that leadership skills can be learned. You owe it to yourself and your team members to attend training, read on the subject, and connect with mentors.Many of the points above apply to parenting as well. Being a parent, after all, is one of the most important leadership roles!
  • Finally, keep in mind that every one of us, whether we have a formal leadership role or not, is a role model and, therefore, a leader in the eyes of those who love and respect us.

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/health/habits-of-exceptional-people/1043734040

Myths About Mental Illness – Mass Appeal

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CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal) – There are so many myths that come along with the stigma of mental illness. Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Author, Family Therapist and Health and Wellness Executive visited the show to break the stigma surrounding mental health and shed light on the myths.

Mental illness is common:

  • 1 in 5 Americans live with a mental illness
  • At least 1 in 10 Americans live with depression
  • At least 16% of adults in the United States have an addiction
  • Depression is the number 1 disability worldwide
    • 28% of disability is caused by mental illness
    • 14% of disability is caused by heart disease
    • 13% of disability is caused by cancer
  • Most mental illnesses respond well to treatment
  • Only 33% of those who could benefit seek treatment, most likely due to the stigma

What can we do to combat the myths and stigma?

  • BREAK THE SILENCE!!!
  • Talk about mental illness the same way you do other illnesses
  • Open discussions in community and workplace
  • Encourage friends and family to seek help from professional care (therapist/physician)
  • Be supportive!

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/health/myths-about-mental-illness_20180314113759798/1043772330

Giving Truly Constructive Criticism – Mass Appeal

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CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal)  It’s hard to critique people, so how do we make sure we’re doing it constructively?  Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Author, Family Therapist, Health and Wellness Executive showed us how.

Giving truly constructive criticism

by Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio

Very few of us like to give or receive criticism so don’t be hard on yourself if you find this difficult to do.

Keep the goal in mind: to help the other person succeed, not to put them down.

Truly constructive criticism does not insult or demean the recipient. Instead, it offers them an opportunity to learn something valuable.

This simple formula can help:

  • Specifically describe (like you’re watching the video replay) the behavior that needs to change.
  • Identify the negative impact of the behavior (the reason a change makes sense).
  • Describe the positive behavior that you’d like to see.

An example when correcting a child:

  • When you reached across Grandma’s plate to grab the ketchup that was not okay because your sleeve almost fell in Grandma’s mashed potatoes and it’s also not the best table manners. From now on I’m going to expect you to ask somebody who can easily reach what you need to pass it to you.
  • It’s necessary sometimes to mention a logical consequence that will follow if the person on the receiving end doesn’t make the desired change:
  • When you leave your dirty clothes in the bathroom then I either have to pick them up and put them in the wash, which is not my job, or leave them there, which is gross. From now on I’m going to expect you to put your dirty clothes in the hamper downstairs because it’s your responsibility to take care of your laundry. If you leave them in the bathroom, I’m either going to leave them

An example from the workplace:

  • You do great work and I’m glad you’re part of our team, but you were more than 20 minutes late getting back from lunch today and on Monday as well. We had to delay the start of your presentation on Monday and I could have used your input on a call with a client this afternoon but I couldn’t reach you. I need you to turn this around so you’re available consistently during business hours. If we can’t reach you again, I’m going to start thinking twice about the assignments I can trust you with and that’s going to affect your performance review.

A few words about destructive criticism:

While the goal of constructive criticism is to help the other person succeed, the goal of destructive criticism is to put the other person down, punish them, or vent your own frustration.

Destructive criticism comes across as accusation or character indictment rather than a request for behavior change. While constructive criticism may start with “when you do (a specific behavior),” destructive criticism starts with “you are (unreliable, rude, incompetent, nasty, impossible)” or “you always…” or “you never….”

  • You are a monster when it comes to your little brother. One day soon he’ll be strong enough to fight back and you’ll end up with a broken nose.
  • You’re always so rude at the dinner table. You have no manners at all.
  • You never let people finish what their saying. It’s all about you!

Destructive criticism leaves the recipient feeling verbally assaulted and is likely to be met with defensiveness.

Constructive criticism is a gift that can increase closeness between those involved in the conversation. Destructive criticism often damages the relationship between those involved in the exchange.

If you keep a level head, avoid lashing out in anger, and speak with your goal in mind-the entirely positive goal of helping the recipient of what you have to say learn how to behave in a more positive manner-you will deliver truly helpful criticism.

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/news/giving-truly-constructive-criticism/1043614568

Depression: What You NEED To Know – Mass Appeal

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Seth Stutman – CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal)  Depression affects an alarming amount of people, but we don’t really know all that much about it.  Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Author, Family Therapist, Health and Wellness Executive shared some theories.

What everyone should know about depression

from Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio

  • 10% of the population lives with this illness.1
  • Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide.2
  • The defining symptom is a negative mood—sad, hopeless, empty, apathetic, or irritable—that continues for 2 weeks or more.
  • Another primary symptom is the inability to experience even brief moments of joy.
  • Energy level, concentration, short-term memory, appetite, and sleep are often negatively affected.
  • Severity can range from mild to potentially lethal (suicide).
  • Thought to be caused by a combination of physical and environmental factors.
  • 60% of sufferers don’t seek help3, probably due to stigma and lack of access to care.
  • 80% of those who do seek help benefit greatly.4
  • Treatment usually involves a combination of talk therapy and medication.
  • We can help break the stigma by talking openly about depression the same way we do about heart disease, diabetes, cancer and other illnesses.
  • We can listen carefully and respectfully to our friends and family members when they are in emotional pain, tell them that we care and that they deserve to feel better, and advise them to see a therapist or talk with their physician.

 

1 Hendrick, B. How Many in U.S. are Depressed? WebMD.com: September 30, 2010.

2 The World Health Organization (WHO). Fact Sheet No. 369. Oct, 2015.

3 Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA). Depression Statistics, Treatment for Depression. http://www.dbsalliance.org.

4 National Institute of Mental Health, (1995). Pub No. 95-3871.

 

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/health/depression-what-you-need-to-know/1043636651

 

Nurturing Your Child’s Self Esteem – Mass Appeal

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Seth Stutman – CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal)  How can you grow your child’s self esteem?   Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Author, Family Therapist, Health and Wellness Executive shared his tips.

Never attack your child personally:

  • Imagine what it feels like to be called dumb, stupid, lazy, weak, or any other name by your mom or dad.
  • Make a commitment to never verbally assault your child.
  • It helps to give your child feedback so they develop positive behaviors-“shhh, we need to be quiet in the library; remember, it’s important to pet the puppy very gently because he’s so little”- but personal attacks/name calling only hurts them.

Notice your child’s positive behavior and compliment her or him on these:

  • I like the way you share your toys with your little brother.
  • I see the way you pay attention to the game even when you’re all the way out in left field-way to go!
  • You got a gold star on your math homework-that’s great work!

Give them words they can hang onto that describe their strengths:

  • You’re a loving big brother.
  • You’re a good team player and you’re good at paying attention.
  • You know how to take responsibility for getting your homework done.

Do not give your child untruthful or exaggerated compliments as this distorts their ability to accurately assess their own attributes and skills. It never helps to say things that lessen your child’s grasp on reality.

Affirming your child’s self-esteem in the ways described above does not negate the need to also give your child constructive feedback. We all benefit from constructive criticism when it’s delivered in a way that is indeed constructive and not hurtful.

 

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/mass-appeal/family/nurturing-your-childs-self-esteem/1043534707

A Better Approach To Conflict – Mass Appeal

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CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal)  How can we better manage conflict in our lives?  Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Author, Family Therapist, Health and Wellness Executive told us how to better approach conflict.

Conflict Tips & Tricks:

  • Thinking and feeling differently does not mean one person is right and the other wrong.
  • It is important to enter discussions of conflict with a positive, calm, respectful tone. If you approach differences with a great display of feelings, those feelings steal the focus and make it more difficult to understand and resolve the disagreement.
  • Respectfully listening to the other person’s view and sharing your own can broaden how each of you understands what’s being discussed.
  • Honest sharing of differences can build trust.
  • When in disagreement about significant matters-where a couple will live, who will take responsibility for which chores, how major decisions will be made-it’s important to talk the conflict through in order to reach solutions acceptable to all who are involved.
  • Avoiding conflict can lead to resentment and emotional distance in a relationship.
  • Addressing conflict can lead to mutual understanding and greater closeness.

Habits of Healthy People – Mass Appeal

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Seth Stutman – CHICOPEE, Mass (Mass Appeal) What are the habits of happy people and can we learn them?   Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio is an author and Family Therapist and he gave us tips get us happier and healthier.

Habits of happy people

  • Money can’t buy joy: After reaching an income level that brings adequate food, clean water, shelter, and security, more money does not bring more joy.
  • Attitudes and simple life skills are the key.
  • Gratitude.
  • Developing inner quietness/calm.
  • Savoring joyful experiences, thoughts, memories, and mental images.
  • Focusing on the positives and away from what’s negative or beyond our control.
  • Knowing our personal values and keeping our actions in line with them.
  • Getting spiritual-connecting with that which is greater than me.
  • Serving others.

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/mass-appeal/personal/habits-of-healthy-people/1043062095

Saying No To Our Kids With Love And Firmness – Mass Appeal

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CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal) -All kids need their daily dose of Vitamin “N”, yet some parents have a hard time with it. We are talking about the word “NO” with Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Author, Family Therapist, Health and Wellness Executive.

Saying no to our kids with love and firmness

o Remember how much power you have in your child’s life.

o Note the two ways we can use power: “power with” and “power over.”

o Use your power as love and responsibility (power with) instead of domination (power over).

o Keep in mind that children don’t know what they don’t know-often, they are not “misbehaving,” they’re just behaving.

o It’s your job to teach reasonable limits and good judgment.

o Explain the difference between wants and needs.

o Prepare in advance for potential “I want it!” situations.

o Act like a vending machine, not a slot machine: say no once and stick to it.

o Refuse to participate in power struggles.

o Stay positive even when disagreeing / saying no.

 

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/mass-appeal/parent/saying-no-to-our-kids-with-love-and-firmness/1043053451

Coping With Loss Of A Pet – Mass Appeal

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Seth Stutman – CHICOPEE, Mass (Mass Appeal)  Losing a pet is one of the most troubling times for families.  Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio is an author and Family Therapist and he gave us tips to make the loss easier to bare.

Pet Loss Tips

  • Don’t be surprised if losing your pet hurts more than when you lost a human family member. It is absolutely normal for some people who lose their animal companion to find this loss hurts more than when they lost a human loved one. If you’re one of those people, it doesn’t mean you loved your parent, sibling, or friend any less. Instead, it means you had an exceptionally close bond with your animal companion, probably because they lived in your house with you all of their lives, you touched them with your hands every day, and you may have cared for them in a very intimate way—bathing them, clipping their nails, preparing their food, and administering medication. This kind of closeness often builds an exceptionally deep connection.
  • While grieving, it’s normal to feel numb, disbelieving, furious, guilty, sad, hopeless, confused, and calm–all within just a few minutes. You may also have difficulties with short-term memory, sleeping, and eating.
  • Expect your grief to progress unevenly. It’s normal to feel one day (or one minute) like you’re calm and doing better, and then all of a sudden, the next minute, or day, you fall back into your grief. Over time you’ll feel better, but the progression generally feels unsteady.
  • People grieve differently. There’s no one way, nor the right way to do it. Some people show a lot of feelings to a lot of people, others grieve more quietly. The length of time grief persists varies from one individual to the next. There are no correct and incorrect ways to get through this.
  • Deciding to end your pet’s suffering through euthanasia can be a gift of love when the irreversible pain of illness or infirmity outweighs the pleasures of living. It helps to make the decision with input from others who you love and trust.
  • Even the most loving pet guardians often feel guilty. No matter how much love and care you gave, how closely you paid attention to symptoms, or how carefully you made end-of-life decisions, in hindsight you may torment yourself with the suspicion that you failed to love, care, plan, and do enough. Take heart. Over time, talking these concerns through with others and thinking them through on your own will eventually help you see that you did all that you could.
  • Take good care of yourself: eat well, rest, exercise, and get support from others. Share what you’re going through with people who love and respect you, those who understand how much you loved your friend. Try to get enough sleep. If sleep proves difficult, soothe yourself with soft music, meditation, or stretching before retiring. Try to rest even if sleep eludes you. Do your best to eat well and drink lots of water. Stick with your regular program of exercise and daily activity. Sometimes working helps because it keeps you structured, provides a constructive distraction, and places you close to loving friends. Sometimes it’s better to take a bit of time off.
  • It can’t hurt to see a therapist, but it’s often not necessary. Many people worry that their grief feels so extreme that they need professional help. While it can never hurt to consult a therapist, if you are able to keep up your daily responsibilities: bathing, preparing food, taking care of dependents, working or performing the other activities that give your day structure, then you don’t need to see a therapist. If, however, you feel persistently sad, hopeless, or unable to experience even a few moments of joy for a span of two weeks or more, then you owe it to yourself to visit a therapist for evaluation of clinical depression.
  • Inform and include children in ways that fit their age. Children younger than five typically cannot grasp the permanence of death. It can help to explain that the pet’s body stopped working and they will not wake up, eat, or move anymore. You may need to repeat this explanation a number of times. By age eight or nine most children understand death in a more adult fashion. Children of all ages, including teenagers, tend to assume that when unwelcome things happen in their family, somehow they may have had something to do with it. It can help to reassure them that this is not so by telling them that their friend died because she was old or sick or suffered an injury, and nothing they did contributed to this happening. Include children in whatever ritual the family decides upon: reading good-bye letters, letting go of balloons, or whatever other way you choose to mark your friend’s passing.
  • Sometimes other pets in the household appear to be grieving as well. Give them extra love and attention.
  • If people make insensitive comments like “Can’t you just get another dog?” or “It was only a cat!” here are some options for responding:
    • “She was one of my very best friends—if your best friend died and I said ‘Can’t you just get another friend?’ how would you feel?”
    • “I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and imagine that you’re trying to help, but I loved my cat, he was a member of my family, and what you said totally dismissed the way I feel about losing him.”
    • Sometimes it’s best to say nothing at all and end the conversation.
  • The right time to adopt another pet varies from person to person, but it can never hurt to wait longer if you’re uncertain. When you choose to bring a new animal companion home, however, don’t expect them to replace your lost friend or take away your grief.

Pet Loss Resources

  • The Pet Loss Companion: Healing Advice from Family Therapists Who Lead Pet Loss Groups. by Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio and Nancy Saxton-Lopez. CreateSpace. 2013.
  • Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet. by Moira Anderson Allen. Dog Ear Publishing. 2007.
  • Goodbye Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet. by Gary Kowalski. New World Library. 2012.
  • I’ll Always Love You (a book for parents to share with their children). By Hans Wilhelm. Dragonfly Books. 1988.
  • aplb.org (Association of Pet Loss Bereavement)
Source: https://www.wwlp.com/mass-appeal/pet/coping-with-loss-of-a-pet/1043093894