Men are key to ensuring the creation of workplaces and a world in which women and girls always experience safety, respect, and equal opportunities.
Virtually every woman has stories about being mistreated by men or boys at school, work, and/or elsewhere.
It’s important to recognize that women speaking out about this treatment (as in the #metoo movement) is an entirely positive development, a step toward greater equality for everybody.
If you hear a story and find yourself thinking “I don’t believe this happened” try substituting “As far as I know, nothing like this has happened to anybody I know and it’s upsetting to think that such things happen to anyone.”
Recognize any feelings of defensiveness and put them aside. Remember, this is not an attack on men. Instead, it’s about the expectation that all human beings consistently treat one another with respect—something most men believe in and want to be a part of.
In the workplace, women too often receive less pay than men for the same jobs, see their ideas given less value, and are disproportionately expected to take on support functions such as note taking and planning refreshments.
Men can keep these in mind and take steps to correct them by:
Complimenting women on their work contributions more than on their appearance—the same way that we do with male coworkers.
Supporting what women have to say and inviting them to say more.
Giving credit to women for the contributions they’ve made even when they are not present.
Mentoring women as freely as we do men.
Considering women for promotions as readily we you do men.
Doing all that we can to ensure equal pay for equal work.
Making no assumptions about a woman’s fitness for assignments based upon her marital, parenting, or family situation.
Distributing and taking on support functions (note-taking, refreshments, etc) in a way that’s fair to everyone.
Men can continuously challenge ourselves and others re: the “male code” that we’ve all lived with:
We can examine whether we think of and respond differently to women who hold positions of authority than we do men who hold such positions and strive to change whatever discrepancies we identify.
When other men make vulgar comments about women, we can say, “That’s not okay with me.”
We can talk with our male friends and our son(s), if we have them, about how important it is for men to build the notion that “Real men (really, mature adults of all genders) respect people of all genders and all other characteristics as well” into our “code of masculinity.”
Because of what our culture has traditionally taught us about how to be a man, it is likely that most, if not all of us, have said and done some things that made another person feel uncomfortable.
If we are told that something we did made another person feel uncomfortable–such as commenting on their appearance—we can listen without rebutting or giving excuses, and, if we can do it sincerely, apologize.
If we don’t feel able to sincerely apologize, we can thank the person who brought this to our attention and tell them that we’re going to take what they said to heart and then get back to them after we’ve thought more about it.
We can talk with another person whom we respect about what we’ve been told and ask them to help us examine how we feel and how best to respond.
We can accept that none of us is perfect—not even close.
We can remember that apologizing and making a sincere commitment to change our behavior is a sign of strength, not weakness.
